the assassination of an evening

I witnessed a murder today, and the victims name was my spare time.

Today we went to the movies, and Brad's latest shananagans as an angy cowboy; "the assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford". Just by looking at the title, you've got the whole movie described to oneself: its too long and contains too much information. The only misleading thing about the title is that one would expect some sort of action from a 3-hour cowboyflick anno 2007 but the last two hours I was certain I was watching Brookeback Mountain 2, especially with Robert totally obsessing over Jesse. Casey Affleck was awsome though, his best performance ever. Brad Pitt never lets you down either, the only dissappointment regarding him was that he produced this disaster. The 11 dollars could definitely been spent wiser, like one oreo pizza (or two white russians as some prefer).

I'm sad to announce that people over here also treats the theater like the regular café, talking to eachother during the movie, or as the superstar behind me, (who probably got lost on his way to the annual Retards Convention) who talked to himself. The seats were great though, and the size of the popcornbaskets hillarious. If you think european and order the large, you'll have enough to feed South Africa for a month, or John Goodman atleast for the moment.

My next post will be a tribute to my dyslectic audience, containing some pictures.

Ah by the way:

Ooohhhh I hope it's a ballad

If you aim to really squeeze out every second of your stay here in New York, it's vital to start the day in the best way possible. And what way could be better than use local products in order to get that engine running?

Sunny D: the juice that contains 5% juice and, according to wikipedia, turned a girl orange.

Cocoa Puffs: Coco Pops apparently makes you tall since I ate it every day growing up and is above that an orchestra of flavor and health. Since Cocoa Puffs is the XXXL version, you do the math. Also, the commercial is great; a huge rooster screaming "I'm kaka for cocoa puffs".

I dont remember the name of this cereal so I'll just let the picture itself promote this one:



Combine at least 2 of these products (or order the Oreo-pizza from my previous post) and you are ready do New York to the fullest.

Anyways, I saw this woman on the subway today who was hillarious. She stood up in the middle of the train and sang(yelled) "LALA IM SO HAPPY" three (3) times in a row, and then started walking around with a hat upside down, collecting money for her performance. Actually gave her a dollar, apparently something good comes out of using crack.

The other day we visited Central park, which is basically Slottskogen (a park in Gothenburg) but instead of being surrounded by 3-store appartments with wooden floorboards there are skyscrapes, instead of mooses and seals they have tons of squirrels, and instead of drunk 14-year olds there are intellectual people smoking weed inhabiting the place. This picture is taken at the very outskirt of the park:




One of the nicest districts I've visited so far is the northern parts of Brooklyn, which reminded me of Majorna (a district in Gothenburg) in many senses. If I were to move to N.Y, I would definently try to get an appartment there.

Here are some random not-so-funny-but-whatever things I've noticed while being here and I'm not gonna elaborate on them either, deal with it.

* 2 out of 3 african-american females is overweighted, for real
* 2 out of 4 caucasian males over 40 aswell
* People here actually eat bags of chips while walking around, riding trains etc. I have never seen that anywhere else so far and I probably never will
* At Burger King, MacDonalds or whatever, they pack your food to-go automatically, like noone has time to sit down and eat
* People overall are more serviceminded and open in general, just standing in line next to someone could be reason enough to start talking
* I just realized almost every discovery I make involves food one way or another

In other reports I was sick for 2 days, illness and headache. My stomache is still fucked up, which really helps while walking around in the city. While I wrote this I experienced the, to this date, biggest disappointment so far about this trip, MacDonalds closed at 11pm.

Fat Cats and night raps

So yesterday I went for a 3-hour walk in Brooklyn, under this period of time I saw one white person. That was until I realized I was watching my own reflection in a window. For me, coming from the "not-so-ghetto" community of Pixbo, this was a very unsual experience. It pretty much feels like you are walking around in a movie or something, anyways it's a really cool place. People are very friendly and so far 6 people have come up asking me if I play basketball, and an whole of 5 people came forward asking me where I bought my clothes/complimented them. Pretty much as far from the swedish mentality you could get.

Anyways, later we went to the food market. Dont have anything to report to my bosses back at ICA Maxi tho, other than all their products have more colors than an LSD-trip and that they all come in bigpacks.



Saw this little badboy at Dominos while doing Brooklyn. I really couldn't care less if these people can't point out Europe on a world map, this invention is nothing short of genius.. It's such a charming way of thinking (although its the mind of a 5-year old in play); One good thing plus one good thing equals a supergood thing. It's like putting marshmellow in your spaghetti and expect it to work.

Later that night we went to Greenwich Village and a really cool place called Fat Cat. This could definitely be my main hang-out if it existed in Sweden. Billiards, ping-pong, live bands, funny looking bartenders, cheap beer and a generally cool atmosphere. I'm thinking there must be like thousands of places like this in N.Y which makes living here seem even more appealing.

If I'm forced to point out one good thing about being a swede, it's that noone understands the language, which means you without worries could sit and discuss peoples weight problems, how they dont deserve their supercute girlfriend etc on the subway. It's pretty much like talking to a cat; as long as you say it with a happy tone, they are as thrilled if you say "I'm going to take this fork, shove it into your head and feast on you for breakfast" as "aaw I love you, you're my best friend next to coco pops and Jack Bauer".

Apparently I share room with a guy who takes talking-in-your-sleep to a whole new level. In the beginning I didn't realize that, and therefore responded and answered him, but I got pissed when he totally ignored me and fell asleep. Later I was told I shouted to him in MY sleep; OK ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH, ARE YOU TALKING TO ME OR WHAT???".

Communication is everything in a healthy relationship.

A very special welcome

So here I am, in brooklyn. Have yet to see like 95% of it but its really cool so far, pretty much like I imagined it. Haven't seen a bunch of hobos hanging around a burning barrel yet tho, but maybe I'll get lucky tonight.

So flying sucks. Haven't been that bored since I had sex with my last girlfriend. But I did end up sitting next to a nice woman whom I talked to most of the trip. She lived in Boston, had her relatives in Germany, and was originally from Italy, so half the trip was gone just trying to get a grip of that family tree. Good fun though. Flying in over New York by night was really cool, lights lights lights. Since I was extremly delayed by the american bureaucracy (hourlong queues, VISAs, passports, fingerprints, bla bla) I was afraid Robin, who was picking me up at the airport, had left. In other words, I have never been so happy of being publicly humiliated as when I saw him with the sign at the arrival hall.




Classic Borat (and very sensitive since actual retards was ahead of me in the group of people entering the arrival halls).

Now he's working and i'm out for a strowl in brooklyn 'til he gets home.

Thoughts about the promised land

If I dont survive this trip (lets face it; the combination david + robin + brooklyn a.k.a crooklyn makes the Gaza strip seem like a safe and peaceful alternative) at least know that I enjoyed hanging out with most of you. That being said I wanna share some of my sincear predictions of what I think I'll face on my first trip across the Atlantic ocean;

* Every male, down to the last infant, is fat. Hence, I'll look even skinnier than back home.

* Every female looks either like Paris Hilton or Roseanne Barr.

* I'll be the only white guy in all of Brooklyn, and will probably get robbed at least 8 times.

* I'll be the only white guy in all of Brooklyn, and will probably get manhandled by black thugs every time I leave the house.

* I'll be the... no, thats enough. You have to get it by now. Brooklyn is a all-black, all-racist inferno.

* Medium in the U.S it bigger than XXL in Sweden.

* There are less salad bars in the U.S than there are letters in "Big Mac".

* I would probably choose a baseball cap instead of a turban when engaging public places.

* The only thing cooler than the U.S army is Jack Bauer (no questions there).

In 12 hours I will know if I'm a prejudice jackass or if all my american tv-show watching payed off, I'm putting my money on the latter.

Ah, by the way: * Everyone uses the word fuck in at least every other sentence.

I'm gonna fucking enjoy this trip.